All That Glitters Is Not Gold
by ohx3itsmagic
Summary: AU / After the tragic death of her father, Adison Lambert has to find a way to live life, make it worthwhile, and do her parents proud. ON INDEFINITE HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**The highly anticipated sequel to Just The Girl : An Adison Story is here!! Again, I'm really happy that you guys liked JTG so much. I hope this one is just as exciting for you. I'm having fun creating it.**

**All That Glitters Is Not Gold**

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 1**

Everybody has a catch phrase that their teachers use. For some, it's "here's your homework." Others, it's "settle down, please." For me, it's "I'm calling your parents." That's what they always say. And then I always answer, "my mom. I don't have a dad."

That's right. My name is Adison. Adison Eva Iraheta Lambert.

My father died, and I was there.

***

I'm 15 years old. I have red hair, but the natural auburn kind, not the fake cherry red like my mom does. I've got your average freckled face, and brown eyes. The brown eyes come from my mom. Everything else, she says, is all my dad.

***

My parents have a story, too. My mother is Allison Iraheta, who is 33 years old. She's a singer, and a good one, I have to admit. The world loves her. But she stays here at home in Los Angeles to be with me.

My dad was Adam Lambert. He would have been 43 years old. He was a singer, too. And the world loved him as well. And so did I.

My father died, and I was there.

***

Everybody has a first childhood memory. For some, it's the first family vacation. Others, it's the first day of preschool. Most are happy first memories, I bet.

Mine wasn't.

***

I was a year and a half. That's young for a first memory, I know. But I was there. And I remember it like it was yesterday.

My mother, 18 at the time, pacing back and forth in our house, while I sat in my bed. It was really late at night. But even as a toddler, I couldn't sleep. Like I knew what was coming.

My mother worriedly talking to her friend Megan, who was staying with us.

My mother getting a phone call, and her face going almost ghost white.

"Adam was in an accident," she told Megan. They grabbed me, and we were out the door.

***

I was at the hospital. It smelled of disinfectant, and had white walls. That's what I remember.

A nurse coming and saying that my father didn't make it.

My mother crying, Megan crying, and me not understanding.

My mother explaining to me that my dad was gone forever. And then it clicked.

***

The rest is all a blur for me. My mom and I saying goodbye to him. The funeral. The crying, the sorrow, the apologies for our loss.

My mother took it especially hard. He was her fiancé at the time. Megan stayed with us for so long, I thought she was family.

***

My first childhood memory happened in early December. Things weren't anywhere near normal again until March. Then my mom seemed to brighten up again. Everyday wasn't a struggle for her. But it still was for me, and only grew worse as I got older.

And it hasn't left.

***

The grief of such trauma at such a young age still haunted me after all these years. My mother knew it still bothered me. But there was nothing we could do anymore. We'd been through numerous counselors, tried many techniques. None of her attempts worked.

I was a rebel. I didn't do well at school. I had no friends. I was never really, truly happy. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

***

I never thought of suicide, though. As unhappy as I was, I couldn't bear to leave this earth. My dad would have wanted me to live. So I do.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 2**

I slammed the door behind me and dropped my backpack on the floor, then headed for my room. Another school day done.

I flopped down on my bed and closed my eyes for a second. I hate school.

Sitting up, I looked in the mirror across from my bed. Auburn curls fell halfway past my shoulders, but I thought my eyes stood out the most. I put on thick eyeliner every morning, and they looked haunting. The rims were black as pitch.

"Adison? Are you home, sweetie?" My mom's familiar voice echoed from down the hall.

I didn't answer. My door opened.

"You okay, baby?" my mom called, coming to sit with me on the bed.

I nodded. "Yeah." I looked down at my hands. The nails were painted black, and I had on three or four rings.

My mom followed my gaze and smiled.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," she said, and stood up. "Come downstairs when you feel like it." She left.

The one thing I love about my mom is that she gets when I want to be alone.

I looked down at my hands again, wondering why she smiled like that. But in the back of my head, I knew.

***

Even though I didn't know him that long, mom says I picked up a lot of my dad's traits and habits. Like wearing eyeliner, black nail polish, lots of rings, an obsession with music. I've been told I'm a good singer, too.

But I wasn't surprised. Singing and music are in my genes. Sometimes my mom says that if I had my fathers eyes and was a boy, I could be his twin.

***

I stood up from the bed and walked over to my dresser table, picking up the slightly torn photo of my father I kept there. I guess I did look like him. Except he dyed his hair black and I kept mine the color we were both born with.

I turned the picture so I could see it in the mirror and tried to match the expression he wore. Perfect fit. He was my dad, alright.

I kissed the picture quickly before gently setting it down and going downstairs.

***

"How was school?" my mom asked.

I shrugged. "Fine."

Her eyes darted to my backpack in a heap on the floor. "You should probably start your homework soon."

"No," I told her. I never did homework. It made me different. Made me stand out, I guess. No way I was a teachers pet or something.

Mom sighed. "Addie..."

"No," I repeated, my voice firm.

"Adison Eva, what am I going to do with you?" she said tiredly.

I just shrugged again and left for my room. Once there, I hit the button on the radio and turned up the volume, letting the music drown out my thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 3**

School was the same as always the next day. I got reprimanded for not doing homework, walked the halls alone, and got in trouble for attempting to set off the fire alarm.

"I'm going to call your parents!" the teacher told me.

"My mom," I said back. "I don't have a dad."

***

Once home, I was surprised to find mom waiting for me.

"The school called," she said before I could say anything.

"So?" I said, trying to move past her.

She stopped me. "Adison, I'm getting sick and tired of this."

"I don't care," I told her, and pushed past her up to my room. She didn't follow me.

***

About a half hour later, I heard the front door open.

"Hi, Meg," I heard my mom say.

"What's the matter?" Megan answered.

"She got in trouble again today. I don't know what to do anymore."

"It's okay, Allison. I'll go talk to her," Megan said.

Before I knew it, my door opened. "Adison," I heard Megan say.

"Hi, Aunt Megan," I answered quietly.

Those first few months without my father were hard, and Megan spent a lot of time with us. She became Aunt Megan as a result. She was family.

"Your mom is really upset," she said eventually.

"I know," I sighed.

"And I know you are, too," she said, rubbing my arm.

"I'm fine," I brushed it off.

"Addie, cut your mother a little slack. This is just as hard for her as it is for you."

"Okay," I answered.

"Good girl." Megan stood up and left.

***

I felt bad that I was causing my mom all this trouble. That wasn't my intention in life. But it was my way of dealing with the pain. And I didn't know what else to do. I never did, it seemed.

I was always lost.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 4**

School continued in the same fashion as usual for the next week or so. Getting in trouble almost every day, coming home to see my mom more and more distressed. But one day, something changed.

***

I was leaving English class when the teacher stopped me.

"Adison," she said. "I'm looking for people to participate in tryouts for our talent show."

"Talent show?" I asked.

"For the performing arts," she explained.

I just stared.

"I've heard that you can sing. People think you're pretty good," she continued.

"I'll think about it," I said after a minute, then left.

***

Once home, I went straight up to my room to think. _Talent show?? Should I do it??_

The door opened. "Hi, Addie."

"Ryder?" I asked, surprised. "When did you get here?"

Aunt Megan's 18 year old son was the only one I could technically call a friend. After all, I had known him since I was born. He was nice to me, which i appreciated, and I considered him a cousin. He was...Ryder.

"Mom and I just dropped by," he told me. "They're downstairs talking, and I decided to see what you were up to here." He looked around. "Not very much, I see."

"Yeah," I said absentmindedly.

"Something on your mind?" Ryder asked.

I shrugged. "It's not that important."

Ryder rolled his eyes. "Adison, I've known you since practically the day you were born. I can read you like a book, girl. Something's up."

"I've been asked to try out for the talent show," I told him.

"Adison, that's fantastic!" he said.

"But I don't know if I'm going to," I finished.

"Why not?"

"I don't think I'm good enough, Ryder! What if I don't make it?" I asked worriedly.

"Addie, I've heard you sing. You're really good," he said.

"I don't think so..." I trailed off.

"You don't give yourself enough credit sometimes, Adison," he said softly.

"Maybe so," I answered.

He took my hand. "Let's go tell your mom," he suggested.

"Okay," I agreed.

We went downstairs.


	5. Chapter 5

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 5**

"Sweetie, that's amazing!" my mom said. "I think you'll make it. I've always admired your voice."

I felt my heart lift a little. "Really?"

"Of course. I'm proud of you, baby."

I smiled, and I could be wrong, but I thought I saw her eyes light up when I did so.

***

The tryouts were a week from now. I needed to get working. The next day, I asked Ryder for some advice after I got home from school. We were in my backyard when I decided to go for it.

"Hey, Ry?" I asked from my spot on the tire swing.

"Yeah?" he answered from the grass below.

"What should I do for tryouts?" I dug my sneaker into the ground and started to spin, winding up the chains of the swing.

"What song, you mean?" he answered.

"Yeah. I guess I should be a little prepared," I said as I continued to turn around on the swing.

Ryder shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not that good with music, Adison. Why don't you ask your mom?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. She knows both you and music better than I do."

I sighed. I really didn't want to ask my mom for help. I was an independent person, and I could make my own choices. But Ryder was right, she did know a lot about music. I let my foot go and gripped tight as the tire swing whirled around, letting my difficult thoughts go and just relaxing.

After a few days of debating, I decided I had done enough procrastinating. I went downstairs to find my mom.


	6. Chapter 6

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 6**

"Mom?" I called.

"Yeah?" I heard her around the corner. She soon appeared in front of me. "What is it, baby?"

"I...I was wondering if you could help me with something," I told her.

She looked a little surprised. "Of course! What do you need help with?"

"I need to choose a song for the talent show."

"You need help with that?" I knew she thought this was something I was highly capable of doing myself, being the independent person I am.

I nodded.

She smiled. "Okay, let's talk about it."

***

Half an hour later, I had made a choice.

"I'm really proud of you, Addie," my mom told me. "You have such a great singing voice."

I smiled. "You do too, Mommy."

Again, she looked surprised. "You've never said that to me before."

"Well, it's true. You do," I confessed, standing up. "Thanks, Mom." I turned to leave.

"Thank you, Addie," I heard her say as I left the room.

***

I practiced so much for the rest of the week. I wanted to do so well at tryouts. As the deadline closed in, I started to panic.

"Can you come sit in the audience?" I begged Ryder one day.

He sighed. "I don't know if I can, Addie."

"Why not? You're 18! You go to collage right down the block! Please!"

I wanted some support, but having my mom in the audience wouldn't help.

"I'll see if I can get away," he promised me.

I sighed in relief. "Thanks, Ry. It means a lot."

He gave me a hug. "I know it does. You're gonna do great."

***

The night before tryouts, I couldn't sleep. I lay on my side and looked out my window. The moon was the only light, pouring in the window, shining on my face. I honestly wasn't sure if I would make it. Yeah, I was nervous. My mother couldn't sympathize with me on this one. For some reason, she never got stage fright. But of course, my dad did. And so do I as well.

I turned over and looked at the picture of my father on my dresser. I got out of bed after a second and picked it up, running my finger along the edge.

"Do you think I can do it?" I asked.

No answer but silence. I brought the picture back over to my bed.

"Goodnight. I love you, Dad." Instead of putting it back on the dresser, I kissed the picture and slipped it under my pillow. For good luck.


	7. Chapter 7

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 7**

I was a wreck the next day during school. I couldn't concentrate at all. Not that I did much anyways. The auditions were right after school. I thought of bailing. You could say I was pretty scared.

The school day passed really fast. Usually the days drag, but the one day I needed it to, The Lord failed me. And I found myself sitting in the auditorium, waiting for my turn.

"Adison Lambert?" the drama teacher called.

I took a deep breath and shakily got to my feet, making my way towards the stage.

"I'm going to sing _Alice Underground_ by Avril Lavigne," I said into the microphone.

As I did so, I saw Ryder slip into the corner of the auditorium. Oh thank God. He gave me a quiet thumbs up. I took a deep breath and started to sing.

_Oh, I'll get by. Oh, I'll survive. When the world's crashing down, when I fall and hit the ground, I will turn myself around, don't you try to stop me. Oh, I won't cry..."_

The song really meant a lot to me, and I felt a connection to my own life as I sang it. As hard as it is to live sometimes, I'd always get by and survive for the people who loved and cared about me.

Ryder smiled as I got off the stage and put an arm around me. "You were amazing, kid," he said. "Sounded just like your mom and dad."

"Really?" I asked.

"Absolutely. C'mon, I'll take you home."

Mom knew better than to ask about the audition when I got home. With one look, she just knew I thought I did well and was proud of myself.

***

The next day, the talent show results were posted. I didn't want to look. I was too scared. But I remembered what Ryder had said, and that boosted my confidence a little. As much as I put it off, I did want to know the answer eventually. So once school was over, I went to the board where the results were posted and ran my finger down the list of names.

Mine wasn't there.


	8. Chapter 8

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 8**

I couldn't believe it. I didn't make it.

I felt tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. I felt like a failure all over again.

I walked out of school with my head down. Past the school bus that would take me home. Once I was off school property, I started to run.

Into the woods, tripping over sticks and tree roots until I found a big rock to sit on. And then I cried my heart out.

I had never felt so alone. Was the world out to get me? Was my English teachers whole intention just to have me try out when she knew I would fail the entire time? I had worked so hard, put so much effort into choosing a song and rehearsing before. And it didn't help. Ryder and Mom saying how proud they were of me. How much I sounded like my dad. All they did was get my hopes up to have them come crashing down again.

After an hour or so in the woods, I slowly got up and trudged home.

***

I pushed open the front door and saw my mom waiting for me. But I knew she wasn't going to ask where I was, or if I made the show. She knew the answer already.

Even though I thought I was done crying, the tears began to flow again the second I saw my mom. She said nothing, just stepped forward and wrapped me in a hug. When I finally pulled away, we went to go sit on the couch for a much needed mother - daughter talk.

***

The first few moments were silent.

"I'm sorry, Addie," my mom said quietly.

I looked down. "It's okay." I tried to keep my voice from breaking. "I just feel like such a failure now."

Mom hugged me again. "Adison, you are NOT a failure. I am so proud of you for singing. I don't even care that you didn't make the show. And," she added. "I know your dad is very proud of you, too."

I smiled and leaned up against her. "Mommy," I said quietly. "Tell me the Adison story."

"The Adison story?" she asked.

"The story of you and Daddy," I answered.

"The story of me and Daddy," she repeated, shifting me in her arms. "Okay." She collected her thoughts and began.

**I wrote this whole part in math class. At the end of the period my teacher goes, "get enough writing done this period?" "yepp," i answered, then left. HAAH.**


	9. Chapter 9

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 9**

"Your father and I met 15 years ago. I was 18, and had been singing since I was a child. He was 27, and had been performing in musical theatre for the past 5 years. I had been watching American Idol since it was first created, and had been counting the years until I was old enough to audition. He had heard of the show, and his friends from musical theatre had encouraged him to audition. I lived in San Francisco, he lived in San Diego. We both auditioned the same day.

As the show progressed through Hollywood Week, we were both still there. And when we reached the Top 36, we began to grow closer, and became friends," she smiled. "He was my best friend for a long time. But we both wanted something more than that. The funny thing was, we were both too scared to admit it. But fate did it's job, and before long we were in love."

I smiled at that part. She kept going.

"Well one night, you came along. By accident. I'm sorry to say Addie, but I didn't want you when I found I was pregnant. I was 18 at the time, only three years older than you are now. And we weren't married. But it was your dad who convinced me to keep you around. He knew you were here for a reason, and not just a worthless mistake. And he was right. When you were born, we were the happiest people on this planet. I still remember your dad's words. He said he was truly on top of the world.

When you were old enough, we all took a vacation to Miami. He had been working hard, and decided we all needed a break. That first night in Miami marked the second time in my life when I couldn't have been happier. Your dad wanted to close the deal, and make us an official family. So he asked me to marry him. And I said yes.

We soon came home, around the beginning of December. The next morning, snow was all over the ground outside. He needed to get to the studio for work. I didn't want him to go, the roads were so bad. But he thought he'd be fine, and..." My mom trailed off, and bit her lip. "Well, you know the rest."

"No," I said suddenly. "Keep going."

Mom shook her head sadly. "No, sweetie. You don't need to hear about that again."

I didn't give up. "I want to hear it again, Mom," I said, surprising myself. "Please tell me."

Mom didn't answer for a second, then kept telling the story.

"The roads were really bad. I waited all day in worry, hoping he would be okay. I even had Megan come over to keep me company. The hours went by, and it grew darker and darker out. Past the time when he was usually home by. And then I got the phone call I feared. He was in an accident, and I was needed at the hospital. So you, Megan, and I left."

I knew this story like the back of my hand. But it still seemed so different coming from my mom. I kept listening.

"Once at the hospital I was told he didn't make it. Gone. I almost killed myself that night. I couldn't imagine life without him. But you were the reason why I didn't. I couldn't. I couldn't abandon you, Addie. Couldn't leave my daughter without any parents at all.

And here we are today. Me, you..."

"Aunt Megan and Ryder," I reminded her.

She smiled. "Of course them too."

"And Daddy, too," I added.

She was silent for a second. "Yes, Adison. Him too. And do you know why?"

I thought about it. "Yeah," I said eventually. "Because even though he's not on Earth anymore, he's still here. And I know he's looking out for me."

"That's right, baby." She hugged me closer. "And you know that he loves you very much, and is very proud of you."


	10. Chapter 10

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 10**

I went up to my room soon after that. I needed time to think, and be alone.

What my mom said was true. Even thought I didn't make the talent show, she was still proud of me. And my dad was proud of me, too. I knew he was watching over me everyday.

I took a break from singing for a while. I just didn't feel up to it. My mom understood. She never asked why. I spent a lot of time in my room, just looking out the window.

Thinking. Thinking about my dad.

Why he had been cursed with such bad luck, and why his life had to end so soon, in such a tragic way. How it had affected my life, growing up without a father figure. How strong my mother must be to carry on without him.

School continued to torture me. Posters for the talent show were everywhere, mocking me and the fact that I didn't make it. A few people teased me about it, but it didn't last long. I didn't care.

I went home one day missing my dad more than ever. I wanted to hear his voice. So I went online and searched him on YouTube. For hours I sat there, watching video after video. I didn't even hear my mom come up behind me.

"Oh, honey." She sat down next to me and hugged me quietly. Together we watched my dad for a while more. Then she spoke again. "I want to show you something."

She pulled up a video and hit play. A spunky redhead dressed in all black appeared on the screen, laughing. I gasped when I heard the voice. "Mom, that's you!"

At 18 years old, my mother was gorgeous. Beautiful figure, wonderful personality. I don't blame my dad for falling in love with her. I listened to the video intently.

"Do you regret anything you've done so far, Allison?"

"No," she answered confidently. "I have no regrets. It was such an amazing experience and I loved every minute of it."

The video ended and the screen turned to black. "That was recorded two days after I was eliminated," she told me.

I couldn't believe it. "What?? How??"

She laughed. "How what?"

"Mom, you had just been kicked off one of the best singing competitions ever. And you were.....happy."

"Yeah," she answered. "Because I was proud. I knew I had done my best. It doesn't matter who finishes where. I was happy."

I thought about this for a while. My mom was confident she could do well because she knew she was a good singer. It didn't matter that she placed fourth. The world still loved her.

And she was right. A world famous celebrity as of today. She couldn't be more successful.

I couldn't help but think that maybe someday I would be, too.

**Sorry for slow updates!! I have a little writer's block on both this one and eternal revenge. I will do the best i can!!!**


	11. Chapter 11

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 11**

A few days later, I was home alone reading when the doorbell rang. Aunt Megan appeared on the other side of the threshold.

"Hi, Auntie!" I exclaimed, giving her a hug.

She laughed. "Well, you're in good spirits today, Adison. That makes me happy, too."

I smiled. "Mom's not home now though. Sorry."

"Oh, that's okay,"Megan didn't seem that bothered. "I can always call her."

I hesitated for a second. "Hey Aunt Megan, I've got a question," I said after a second.

"Of course baby, what is it?" she answered.

"Well, mom and I were talking about dad and all earlier, and I was just wondering if..." I paused. "If she's really happy, or if she's just saying that for me."

Megan regarded me intently for a second. I shrugged. "I figured you would know her the best out of anybody."

Megan thought about it for a second. "Well Addie, that's not the easiest question for me to answer. Your mom has always been one to sometimes cover up her feelings, even if it's not intentional. Sometimes I can't even tell what's going on, and I've known her for close to 20 years. But according to my better judgement, I'd say she is happy. Because she has you. Even I sometimes see your dad when I look at you. I bet she's reminded of him every day."

I nodded after a second. "Okay. Just making sure."

Meg smiled again. "It's okay, Addie. I'll see you later."

"Okay." I hugged her again. "Bye." I watched her disappear down the steps and walk out of sight.


	12. Chapter 12

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 12**

Once my mom got home, I relayed the information that Megan had stopped by.

"Thank you, sweetie," mom told me. "I'll get in touch with her soon."

"Hey mom, do you know if Ryder's home?" I asked.

"Um, yeah. He came home yesterday for a week or so. Why?"

"I want him to come over for a little while," I told her.

She smiled. "You guys have fun out in the back?"

"Yes," I replied. "We just like sitting outside and talking."

"That's so wonderful, Addie. It's such a great quality for someone to have. I remember your father loved to just talk for endless hours as well," she remarked.

I smiled. "I'm gonna go call Ry now," I turned to go find a phone.

"Okay, honey," mom called after me. "Your shoes are upstairs, too."

"Thanks, mom!" I called, before running off.

Half an hour later, Ryder rang the doorbell.

"Hold on!" I hollered, skittering past the door and up to my room to grab my shoes.

My mom answered the door. "Hi, Ryder. She's upstairs," mom smiled.

"So I heard," Ryder answered in an amusing tone. "I'll go find her. Thanks, Allison." We haven't been formal in forever.

I heard Ryder coming up the stairs into my room. "Hey, Addie," he said, walking over the threshold.

I grabbed my shoes from the foot of the bed. "Hey, Ry," I said back, looking around for my iPod. "I'll be ready in a sec."

I took my iPod off the dresser next to the picture of my dad. "Headphones, headphones," I muttered, looking around. No luck. "I think I have extras in my closet," I told Ryder.

I ran to the closet and tried to reach the top shelf. Again, no luck. I turned back to Ryder with a pleading face. "Ry, gimme a boost, please?"

Ryder gave a sigh of surrender and came over to stand beside me. "Get on my back," he told me.

I did, and from there climbed up to his shoulders.

"See anything?" Ryder asked as I looked on the shelf.

"No," I said, pushing stuff aside. "Just lots of old boxes and-"

A small box at the corner suddenly slipped off the shelf and hit the floor with a thud. Something small and shiny fell out and clattered to the ground as well.

"What's that?" Ryder asked.

"I'm not sure," I said, curious. Ryder helped me off his shoulders and we both bent down to investigate. I picked up the object, which turned out to be a CD. I turned it around and read the front.

_Adam Lambert, For Your Entertainment,_ it read, beneath a sparkly picture of none other than my own dad.


	13. Chapter 13

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 13**

Still in shock, I opened the case to reveal an actual CD, with thirteen songs on it.

Ryder broke the silence. "This is your dad's CD?"

I couldn't speak for a second, just nodded. "But...but he died before it got released. This should have never existed."

Ryder kept looking at it. "Well, it's right there. What was a CD of your dad's doing in your closet?"

All of the sudden, my mom walked in. "I heard something fall, are you two okay?" she asked, coming over to the corner of my room, where Ryder and I were still on the floor.

"Um, yeah." I held up the CD. "This fell."

My mother was silent for a second. "Adison Eva Lambert, where did you find that?"

"Well, I couldn't find headphones, so I decided to look for extras on the shelf of my closet. I couldn't reach, so Ryder gave me a boost. As I was looking, a box slipped and this fell out. And it has dad's name on it."

My mom reached for the CD, and I gave it to her. She kept looking at it, turning it over and over again. Then she spoke. "I'm sure you two want some sort of an explanation for this."

Ryder and I nodded slowly.

Mom smiled sadly. "Okay. I'll tell you." She walked over to my bed and sat down on the edge.

Ryder and I scrambled for a spot on the floor by her feet, like we were back in kindergarden.

"As you know, your father and I were at the beginning of our careers when this CD was being made. It was his very first one. As far as the rest of the world knows, it wasn't finished before he died. So it never got released. But what they don't know is it really was done, but wasn't proofed enough for an actual release. He gave me the only solid copy.

"After the accident, the record label destroyed all his recordings so they couldn't be stolen," she held up the CD. "These are the only original Adam Lambert songs left.

I had the only copy. And I was scared I would lose it or someone would try to steal it. I didn't want it taken away from me. So I hid it here in your room, Addie, and forgot about it. And 15 years later, none other than you two find it. How about that."

"Wow," I breathed. The only copy...

"Have you ever listened to it?" Ryder wanted to know.

My mom paused. "I haven't," she admitted, standing up. "And I don't think I ever will." She handed me the CD and quietly left.

Ryder and I exchanged glances. We didn't understand. Why wouldn't she ever listen to the CD?


	14. Chapter 14

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 14**

Ryder and I went back outside like we planned. I got on my tire swing, and Ryder took his spot in the grass below, as usual. But what wasn't usual was our topic of discussion. We stayed quiet for a second.

Ryder looked down at the grass. "Pretty cool that you guys have the only copy."

I leaned far back on my swing and looked up at the sky, my auburn hair almost touching the ground. "Yeah. I can't believe it was hidden there all my life. That's major, dude."

Ry nodded. "Why don't you think your mom wants to listen to it?"

"I don't know," I replied, sitting up. "That's what confuses me. Mom isn't like that. She gets sad over things, and then moves on. She embraces things like death because they make her stronger. So I really don't know. But I'll find out eventually."

**Sorry this one was short. It's just a good spot to pause for the next one.**


	15. Chapter 15

_"Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end.__ Baby, it hurts the most, w__hen you don't have a friend. N__ow you don't know who you can trust, a__nd now you're stuck, o__n the wrong side of the fence. __Baby, it all comes back to haunt you, i__n the end." ~In The End (Nick Jonas)_

**Chapter 15**

Ryder and I thought about it for a while longer, until he finally left. Even when he was gone, I stayed outside on my swing longer. I still couldn't think of anything. I was truly stumped.

An hour later, I heard the back door open and looked up.

"You've been out here a while," mom remarked, making her way across the grass.

"Yeah," I answered casually.

Mom sat down against the big tree next to my swing. "Anything on your mind?" she asked.

I stopped my swing. "Yeah, actually. I have a question."

She looked up at my brown eyes, identical to her own. "Okay. What?"

I looked down. "I was just wondering why you don't want to listen to Dad's CD. Like you don't want anything to do with it. That's not like you," I blurted out.

Mom was silent for a second. Then she looked down as well, and laughed a little. "I knew I raised a smart girl. I was the stupid one to think this wouldn't happen."

"That what wouldn't happen?"

"This whole thing," she replied. "You and Ry finding the CD, and now you asking this question. I'm not mad, sweetie," she added quickly, seeing my face fall. "You're fifteen. And I'll tell you, don't worry," she smiled.

"Okay," I sat back in my swing and prepared for a story.

Mom leaned back up against the tree and began.

"After your father died, you, Aunt Megan and I all came home from the hospital. You were asleep, so we put you to bed. Then I did something I'm not proud of..."

I looked at her intently. She stared off into space, and a faraway look entered her eyes.

_"Where you going?" Megan asked. "I'll be right back," Allison called. Allison went into the kitchen, and began searching through the drawers. She started crying really hard all over again. Allison ripped through the kitchen drawers, the tears coming faster. Her hand closed around what she was looking for. Allison pulled out a knife. She took a deep breath, then positioned it a few inches away from her chest._

_"ALLISON!" Megan appeared at the door. "What are you doing?"_

_Allison turned to look at her, her vision blurred by tears. She was still crying her heart out. "I can't live without him, Megan!" she bawled. "I need to be with him again!"_

_"STOP!" Megan yelled. She ran over to Allison and pulled the knife away. "Allison, please don't kill yourself. Please!"_

_"No!" Allison screamed, and tried to take the knife back. "I need Adam! I don't want to live anymore!" she cried, uncontrollable._

"I couldn't think straight. All I could think about was him, and being with him. But Megan stopped me..."

_Megan grabbed Allison by the shoulder, shaking her. "Listen to me!" Megan yelled._

_Allison quieted._

_Megan looked her in the eye. "Allison, every time you think of suicide, you turn around and look at that little girl out there," Megan yelled, turning Allison towards her sleeping baby._

_Allison was quiet for a minute. "Adam wouldn't have wanted you to kill yourself. He would have wanted you to stay alive, and give this child a mother." Megan said quietly. "He would have wanted you to be happy, and live."_

"She's the one that reminded me of you. And what your life would be like without a mother or father. And I realized she was right. I couldn't leave you..."

_Allison broke down again. "But I'm not happy, Meg!" she cried. "How can I be happy when Adam's gone?"_

_"Be happy, Allison!" Megan yelled. "Do it for Adam. Not for me. Not for you. DO IT for that baby and the man you love."_

"Even though I knew I couldn't leave you, and I wouldn't, I still couldn't see how it was possible to live without him. How could I possibly be happy? I truly didn't know."


End file.
